AuDHD and masking…
- silvia palla
- 11 hours ago
- 2 min read
It’s strange when you look back.
You learn very early what people like about you… and what they don’t.And without even realising it, you start changing yourself.
At school.
With friends.
With everyone.
You learn how to be “acceptable.”
I spent years studying people.
What made them laugh.
What made them stay.
So I could belong somewhere.
“Those are your friends,” my mum would say.
But she didn’t see the bullying.
And I was too naive to understand who was real and who wasn’t.
So I grew up carrying this quiet shame.
Always feeling like I wasn’t enough.
For anyone.
Some days I was a tornado.
Other days, I couldn’t even hold a conversation, like my brain had lost all the words.
Imagine living inside a brain you can’t understand…
One that feels like it’s working against you 24/7.
If I only knew back then…
If I only knew that I didn’t need to fight my brain,
I needed to accommodate it.
Then I had a daughter.
And she is so much like me… it’s scary.
Not just how she looks, but how she is.
She was the “too much” child.
The “naughty” one.
The “spoiled” one.
And deep down, I knew something didn’t sit right.
I knew it wasn’t my parenting.
I knew she wasn’t “just difficult.”
I knew… she was like me.
And that terrified me.
Because I knew what that could mean in a world that doesn’t understand.
I’ve worked with children.
I’ve seen it before, those kids who are a little different, a little misunderstood.
The ones that stay with you.
And then one day it hit me:
My child is one of them.
My child is special.
I started researching. Obsessively.
She was around 3 or 4 when I knew.
Not because someone told me, but because I recognised every single struggle.
The problem was…I didn’t have the words.
Because no one had ever given them to me.
So I kept pushing.
Chasing the school.
Looking for someone, anyone, to tell me I wasn’t imagining it.
That I wasn’t just “labelling” my child.
It took years.
But now she’s on the pathway for ADHD and autism.
She’s 9.
And somehow…
She’s the one who taught me how to be myself.
She’s teaching me how to unmask.
How to stop hiding.
How to exist without shame.
In the most raw, beautiful, honest way.
I am so proud of our journey.
She has a voice.
She knows her needs.
She is learning to be fully herself.
And I’m teaching her something I never had:
To love her brain.
To choose the right people.
To never feel ashamed of who she is.
It’s hard.
Really hard.
But we’re a team.
And she will never feel alone in this.
Or at least… I will do everything I can to make sure she doesn’t.
One thing is for sure,
I will never ask my child to shrink just to make other people comfortable.
Thank you for reading💛
I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences.
You can always reach me on:
Instagram: @silvia.london89
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