The Myth of Sharing in Toddlers

Have you ever heard the phrase “sharing is caring”?

Well, here’s a little secret… it doesn’t work!

At least, not the way we expect it to when it comes to toddlers.

Children, especially around 2 to 3 years old, are simply not developmentally able to share. When they’re playing with something they love, in their mind it belongs to them.

Sharing requires skills that toddlers don’t yet have:

• Understanding that another child also has a need to play with that toy.

• Patience to wait for their turn.

• Emotional regulation to manage the frustration of letting go.

  
  

That’s a pretty big ask for a brain that’s still figuring out how the world works.

What Toddlers Can Do Instead

Before the age of 3, toddlers are much better at parallel play which means that they can play alongside each other but not necessarily with each other.

That’s completely normal and healthy.

Once children are closer to 3 and beyond, you can start introducing tools like visual timers for turn-taking. When I worked in a nursery, I found that timers were a game changer because children could see and hear when it was their turn again.

It gave them a sense of security and fairness.

When “Sharing” Goes Too Far

Here’s the thing: many parents use “sharing is caring” not just for community toys at playgroups but also for personal belongings.

And this is where I have to stop and say: "no, thank you"

The other day at the park, my son grabbed another boy’s toy car.

I stepped in to remind him, “That’s his car, we don’t just take it.” The boy started crying, and his mum turned to him and said: “We have to share!”  Then she handed the car to my son.

Wait, what? Since when are children required to hand over their personal treasures to strangers? If my son brings his favourite car to the park, he’s allowed to keep it to himself. Full stop.

It’s the same as me walking up to you, grabbing your phone, and saying “sharing is caring”. Sounds ridiculous, right?

The Truth About Sharing

Yes, sharing is caring, but only when it’s a choice. It’s something children learn over time, when their brains and empathy skills are ready. It’s not something we should force on toddlers who can’t even grasp the concept yet.

When we shame children (and their parents) for not sharing, we’re not teaching kindness. We’re teaching guilt. And guilt doesn’t build generosity. Connection, modelling, and time do.

Takeaway for Parents:

• Don’t expect your toddler to share before they’re ready (it’s not selfish, it’s developmental).

• Model generosity by showing your own ways of sharing in daily life.

• Introduce turn-taking tools like visual timers when they are close to turn 3.

• Respect personal belongings. Sharing community toys is one thing, but favourite personal items don’t have to be handed over.

  
  

So next time someone side-eyes you because your child isn’t “sharing,” just remember: it’s not a moral failure. It’s brain science. Let’s guide our children gently, respect their feelings, and remember that true sharing comes with time, choice, and connection.

Thank you for reading💛

I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories on this.

Has “sharing” ever been a struggle in your home?

You can always reach me on:

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📧 Email: thepracticalparent1@gmail.com