Breaking Generational Cycles: A Journey of Parenting and Healing

silvia palla
Jul 23
5 min read

Updated: Sep 6

There’s nothing like being back in your childhood home with your own kids to make you realise just how far you’ve come and how much still sits in your body. I’m on holiday for the summer at my parents’ house. It’s been lovely… and hard.

When you’re doing the work to break generational cycles, it’s not just your parenting that changes; your whole lens shifts. I walk through the house, and memories pop up. Certain tones. Patterns. Expectations. I catch myself feeling like the little version of me again, but I’m not her anymore. Now, I’m the parent, and I’m trying to do things differently. That’s where the real work shows up.

The Quiet Work of Change

It’s not some big dramatic moment. In fact, most of the time, it’s quiet. You’re sitting in a familiar room, trying not to flinch when your child gets spoken to in a way you wouldn’t say it. But you also don’t want to disrespect your parents. I want to be clear. This isn’t about blaming my parents. They’ve always done what they thought was best, and I know they love me. They are great!

But like many people from their generation, emotional maturity wasn’t something they had access to. I didn’t have the words to explain what I needed back then either. So, yeah… we missed each other sometimes. I get it now. I see them as people, not just parents. But I also see what could’ve helped me, and I’m trying to give that to my kids now.

Parenting Changes How You See Everything

Once you become a parent yourself, you start noticing things. The way adults spoke to you, the tone, the power imbalance. What was called “discipline” was often just fear. What was called “respect” meant staying quiet and not answering back. But now, I hear those things differently. I look at my children, and I look at me, and how I respond. Because parenting isn’t just raising kids; it’s re-raising parts of yourself too.

I won’t lie; this work is hard. There are days I get overwhelmed, triggered, and unsure. There are moments I want to shut down and run away from the hard stuff. But that’s not who I am. I’m not perfect, but I’m intentional. Now, even when I mess up, I catch it. I reflect. I adjust. I try again. Every time I choose a new response, I don't react from my own wounds. And that’s how change sticks—not all at once, but choice by choice.

A Grounding Tool I Use When I Feel Myself Slipping into Old Patterns

A tone, a look, a comment, and suddenly, you’re reacting from the past, not from the parent you are now. Here’s what I do to centre myself in those moments:

Pause and Ground

Take a deep breath.
Feel your feet on the floor, hand on your diaphragm (Solar Plexus - the Power Chakra).
Tell yourself: “I’m safe. I’m in control.”

Centre Your Power

Remind yourself: “I choose how I respond.”
Tell yourself: "This isn’t the past; this is now."

Shift from Reaction to Response

You don’t need to be perfect, just present.
Take a pause before reacting.
Choose connection, not control.
Lead with calm.
Remind yourself: “They’re not trying to fight me. They’re asking for help with their feelings.”

Healing Doesn’t Always Start With Us

I had a talk with my mum, and I realised that I’m not the first in my family to challenge old ways. My grandfather, her dad, did it too. He was the firstborn, raised with the pressure of running the family’s livelihood. His father was a shepherd, and that was expected to be his future too. But he loved studying. He wanted more than what was expected of him, and he had to fight hard with his father just to stay in school. And he did it.

He became a man with open views, curious about the world. I remember him always teaching me to stand up for what’s right, even when it’s hard. It reminded me that maybe in every generation, there’s someone who pushes a little further. Someone who says “enough” to what came before. Someone who makes it easier for the next. And that’s who I am now, for my children and their children after them. I’m proud to carry that forward.

The Importance of Connection

As I navigate this journey, I’ve learned that connection is vital. It’s not just about breaking cycles; it’s about creating new ones. New patterns of love, understanding, and support. I strive to connect with my children on a deeper level. I want them to feel safe expressing their feelings, knowing they won’t be dismissed.

When I see them struggling, I remind myself that it’s okay to feel. It’s okay to ask for help. I want them to grow up knowing that emotions are valid and that they can talk to me about anything. This open line of communication is essential for their development. It’s a gift I wish I had received.

Embracing Vulnerability

Another lesson I’ve embraced is vulnerability. It’s not easy to show our true selves, especially when we’ve been conditioned to hide our feelings. But I’ve found that being vulnerable with my children fosters trust. When I share my struggles, they see that it’s okay to be imperfect. They learn that everyone has challenges, and it’s part of being human.

I often tell them about my own childhood experiences. I share my feelings and how I’ve worked through them. This openness helps them understand that it’s okay to express their emotions. It’s a beautiful cycle of learning and growth.

Celebrating Progress

As I reflect on my journey, I celebrate the small victories. Each time I choose a different response, I’m making progress. Each time I pause before reacting, I’m breaking a cycle. It’s important to acknowledge these moments. They remind me that change is possible.

I keep a journal where I note these victories. It helps me see how far I’ve come. It’s a reminder that I’m not alone in this journey. Many others are walking a similar path, and together, we can create a brighter future for our children.

Conclusion: A Journey Worth Taking

Breaking generational cycles is a journey worth taking. It’s filled with challenges, but the rewards are immeasurable. I’m learning to parent with intention, love, and understanding. I’m creating a safe space for my children to grow and thrive.

Thank you for reading! 💛

If this resonated with you, come say hi on