Why I Chose Conscious Parenting (And How I’m Still Learning It Every Day)

I will hold your hand until the end

When I first decided to parent differently, all I really knew was:

I didn’t want to do it the way it was done to me.

But I didn’t know how to do it differently either.

At the time, my parenting was a mix of softness and permissiveness. I had just come out of a traumatic situation, and my daughter had lived through that pain with me.

I became the “safe one,” the parent she could fully trust.

That meant I was doing everything in my power to keep peace, hold her pain, and carry her feelings, even when I wasn’t handling my own.

But the more I took care of myself, the more I was able to show up for her big feelings too. That’s when I realised something important: being permissive wasn’t helping her.

She still needed me to be gentle, but she also needed me to lead.

She didn’t need to be “disciplined”. Life was already disciplining her enough.

She needed guidance. And I was the only one who could give her that in a loving way.

That’s when I stopped using the word “gentle” to describe my parenting style. It just didn’t fit anymore. What I was doing was something else.

I was parenting with awareness. With intention. With connection.

And that’s when I found the term: conscious parenting.

Conscious Parenting Is a Choice I Make Daily. It’s not a label, it’s a mindset.

I choose connection over control. I choose presence over perfection. I choose to understand how my children's brain works so I can support their emotional world, not just react to it.

I mean... can we really have rigid expectations for a human who’s been on this planet for a few years? I’ve been here decades, and I still have meltdowns! The truth is, our kids are learning to be human and they need us regulated to learn regulation.

But guess what? That doesn’t mean I get it right all the time.

Remember me hiding in the bathroom in my last post?

Well, when you live in a small space with two kids, the bathroom becomes your nervous system reset station. That’s where I take a breath, pause, and pull myself together so I can be the adult they need in that moment. They need me. But I need me too.

Trial, Error... and TikTok

For a long time, my parenting was a mix of old and new.

I knew the theory—I’ve studied child development and psychology, and I’ve worked with kids for years. But applying it to my own children, while healing from trauma, was a whole new level.

I started following amazing creators, coaches, psychologists, conscious parenting experts, and one line hit me hard:

“Behaviour is communication.”

That was it. That’s what I needed to hear.

So I decided: I would watch, not just correct.

I’d step back and observe instead of react.

I started noticing that when I gave my daughter space to feel her feelings, without rushing to fix them or shut them down... she started calming down faster.

I thought: Wow. So she needs to process, just like I do.

I meditate to regulate, why shouldn’t she?

That’s when I started looking into kids’ meditations, breathing tools, and mindfulness that matched her stage of brain development. She didn’t know how to regulate yet and it was my job to model it, not expect it.

Was that hard? Yes.

My own survival mode still creeps up.

My fight-or-flight still shows up at the worst times.

But she’s not going to pause her feelings to protect me. I’m the adult. I have to do that for her.

I Still Mess Up. And That’s Okay.

I still lose it sometimes.

But now I know how to apologise and mean it.

I repair. I reconnect. I try again.

And I’ve learned not to stay stuck in an apology cycle either, because I’m still the parent. And sometimes, my kids just have to trust my judgment, even when they don’t like it.

That’s conscious parenting too:

Not being perfect. Just being present.

Thank you for reading.

Want to share your story or thoughts?

I’d love to hear from you.

→ DM me on Instagram: @silvia.london89

→ Or email me: thepracticalparent1@gmail.com

You’re never alone in this.